Boot Camp
by the landing
Summary: Ryou needs some therapy, and Bakura needs a serious whipping...who do you call? Why, Yugi and Yami Moto, of course. Set immediately after Battle City.
1. Yami's Promise

**Boot Camp  
Chapter One  
Yami's Promise**

Ryou flinched unconsciously at Bakura's sharp yell. Ever since being separated, Bakura had been beating his light side around. The boy had scars and bruises marring his white skin. Now he was terrified of his Yami, and more introverted than ever.

"Host! Phone! GET IN HERE NOW!"

Ryou flinched again and ran into the living room. This is a decision he would probably regret, but at least he'd live to regret it.

"It's about time," Bakura sneered as Ryou walked in. This was a tone Bakura often used. Ryou called it the 'you-are-so-dead-when-you're-done' tone.

The smaller of the identical boys took the phone with a shaking hand.

"H-hello?"

"Ryou? Is that you?" said a deep voice on the other end.

"Yes...?"

"This is Yami. Yugi told me that last time you came over, he noticed scars on your arms. Has Bakura been hitting you?"

'Damn,' Ryou thought.

"Don't say I told you!" the frightened hikari whispered franticly. "He'll kill me!"

"I'll be right over." With that, the pharaoh hung up the phone.

Ryou sat in shock, listening to the dial tone and staring wide-eyed at the wall. Then, he heard his darker side snickering behind him. If at all possible, Ryou's eyes got wider.

"And why did you get the pleasure of talking to the Pharaoh, Ryou? I sure hope we aren't revealing anything important, are we?"

Ryou was in the process of denying when the doorbell rang. Bakura's eyes developed a rare red glint that could only mean trouble and pain for poor Ryou. In an instant, the former thief had crossed the floor and grabbed his light by the wrist, throwing him against the wall.

"You told him, didn't you?!" Bakura screamed. "I told you not to tell anyone! Do you realize what this means? He-"

"I won't do anything to hurt you two, if that is what you were getting at, Bakura. I wouldn't do that."

The two white-haired boys turned to see Yami standing in the doorway, with Yugi leaning against the doorframe.

"Bakura..." Yugi cooed, drawing out the 'a'.

"Whaaaat, you annoying hikari," Bakura replied in a sing-song voice.

Something dark flashed across Yugi's eyes, and he seemed to grow ten feet taller.

"YOU ARE COMING WITH ME!!" he thundered in his high-pitched voice.

"Where?" Bakura squeaked, cowering behind Ryou. That is, until Yugi grabbed his hair and pulled him out the door. "Eek! That's my hair!"

"Boot camp!" came the pharaoh's answer, before slamming the door behind them. Then, turning to Ryou, he said, "And you and I are going to your inner-strength-and-toughness camp!"

Ryou's eyes popped open at that, and tried scrambling wildly up the stairs. Yami caught him first, though, but Ryou kept struggling.

"I don't want to lose my cute, innocent, sweet guy reputation!" he yelled as Yami dragged him through a new portal to the shadow realm. But Ryou didn't go easily.

There are still claw prints all the way down the stairs.

* * *

"Where am I?" Ryou groaned, rubbing his aching head tenderly.

"You don't want to know," said a vaguely familiar voice off to his right.

The white-haired boy pulled himself up as another voice cut in. "Now, now, Malik, don't talk that way to Ryou, you'll rub your bad attitude off on him."

Ryou opened his eyes warily, prepared to shut them at a moments' notice. Which he did, laying back down with a groan.

Yami had been sitting casually on a table, which was in the center of a large room with brightly colored posters on the wall. Around him, in what looked like beanbag chairs, was Malik, Mokuba, Serenity, Tristan, and the Change of Heart girl. Surrounding the only exits were Dark Magicians.

"Ryou, wake up," cooed a soft, heavenly voice. "Yami's here to teach us about confidence and-SHUT UP YOU BLOODY- self control."

Surprised, Ryou looked up at the woman in the Change of Heart card. Currently, the evil side's arm had taken to pounding her fist into the light side's half of the face, while the light side tried to stop it.

"Girls! Girls! Let's stop for a moment, please? We're going to introduce ourselves," Yami yelled, grabbing the darker half's hand.

Everyone introduced themselves one by one, until it came to the Heartses turn.

"I'm Mar-JO!" they yelled.

"Or, in other words," Yami grimaced, "Mary," the light side waved, "and Jo." The dark half growled at everyone.

"Okay, now that we all know each other, why don't we start our session? Malik, you first."

"But I don't have a problem!" Malik yelled.

"Yes, you do," Yami cooed.

The blond teenager sighed and nodded his head. "Okay, I guess I have a bit of a control issue."

Yami gestured to keep going.

"A big control issue?"

The spiky haired counselor gestured again.

"Fine!" Malik shouted. "I was trying to prove my dad wrong!" Yami smiled. "I told him I wanted to be king of the world, and he told me I couldn't!" He started crying then.

Ryou rolled his eyes as Malik continued.

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

Bakura scratched his backside furiously. 'These uniforms sure do itch,' he thought.

"Bakura! ATTENTION!" yelled Yugi, the camp sergeant. Bakura immediately stiffened, slapping his arms to his sides before the Dark Magicians could do anything to him.

He had now been in this camp for two hours, and already had enough bruises just learning how to stand at attention. Those Magicians could be brutal.

"Humph. Before I came here, I didn't think the little runt had it in him," Ishtar whispered to him.

"Ishtar!" Yugi barked. "Drop and give me forty! Who asked for your opinion?"

"No one, sir!" Ishtar called from the ground.

The rest of the people in the lines snickered quietly. They included Duke, Joey, Kaiba, Pegasus, and the Blue Eyes White Dragon. Yugi glared at them.

"The rest of you...TEN LAPS!" he cried. Everyone snapped to attention and started jogging around the track. "Faster! FASTER! BLUE EYES, NO HOVERING!"

The dragon immediately dropped to the ground and ran, in large, lumbering steps that left gigantic footprints. Kaiba, who was running behind it, fell into one, crying out as he fell. Pegasus started laughing.

"Well, well, well, Kaiba boy, has your dragon finally turned on you?"

Bakura came behind the white haired millionaire and 'accidentally' pushed him into the hole. His screams were heard, interrupted by Kaiba's frequent death threats and the sound of punching. Everyone gathered around.

"Oh, damn!" cried Joey. "I hate them both so much, I don't know who to root for!"

"Pegasus screams like a girl," Duke pointed out.

"True...go Kaiba!"

Everyone was jeering when Yugi suddenly appeared, bearing a Dark Magician staff.

"Okay," he murmured to himself. "Time to show them why they're here."

Everything stopped around the men before darkness clouded around all of them.

* * *

Bakura groggily sat up, his head pounding. Strangely enough, there was the hall mirror from his and Ryou's home, right in front of him. And, that, in the mirror...wasn't...him...

It was Ryou!

Bakura moved his arm to touch his face, and so did Ryou. 'I am Ryou!' he thought. 'Ha!'

He smirked; the look contrasted horribly with his now innocent appearance.

"Host!" yelled a voice. "Get in here, pronto!"

"Who are you to tell me what to do?" Bakura shouted back. Suddenly, Bakura saw...himself?...round the corner, glowering.

"I am your Yami, your master. And you, you are my slave, and you are worthless." The other yami grabbed Bakura and threw him into the wall. "Now, go into the kitchen and make me some lunch, or I'll show you the true meaning of pain."

Bakura's eyes nearly popped out of his head as he watched the other Bakura walk away. He was not, nor had he ever been, that horrible to Ryou.

Or had he?

* * *

Ryou was curled up on the floor in a fetal position, a large bubble blowing in and out of his mouth each time he took a breath. Everyone else in the room was also sleeping, besides Yami and Malik. Even Yami was beginning to nod off.

Malik babbled on and on about random childhood events, seemingly for years. As it turned out, it was the middle of the second day at camp.

Suddenly, everyone was awakened by Jo-the-Dark-Change-of-Heart's screech.

"SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP, YOU OLD COD!!" she yelled. For once, she and the light side worked together, the light side holding Malik's face while the dark side stuffed a pink frilly pillow down the boy's throat.

Serenity and Tristan were laughing so hard they could barely breathe. Mokuba's jaw touched the floor, and Ryou was crying with mirth. Yami looked shocked, dismayed, then furious.

"That's enough, children," he said in a haughty tone. "We were just getting to the bottom of Malik's control problem. Now, if you would please remove the pillow from his throat and sit down, we may continue this session."

"Children! I can't believe...little...session...continue!" grumbled the Heartses, dislodging the pillow from Malik's throat.

Yami, by now, was red in the face from holding in the laughter. Ryou rolled his eyes, smiling. 'The Pharaoh is just a little slow,' he thought.

"See?! Everyone picks on Malik!" the blond cried.

Yami burst out laughing, falling off the table.

"HAHAHA! Malik, you are fun-ny! 'Everyone picks on Malik!' And the look on your face? Priceless!" Yami said between gasps.

Malik burst into tears and ran into a small room that had appeared seconds before the outburst. The sign on the door said 'little psycho's room'.

Yami was now gasping for air and cradling his wrist, which he landed on in falling off the table. "Okay...Mary, Jo, your turn."

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, first chapter finished. Finally, the editing is done. I think it may be slightly better than last time I wrote it...I could be wrong, though.

**Next:** Go Fish, more therapy, Mai visits boot camp, and Yami sings us a song.

Until next time!


	2. Attack! Attack! Help!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothin but the plot, and most likely not even that. I'm just writing, man.

**  
Boot Camp **

**Chapter Two **

**Attack! Attack! Help!  
**  
Bakura lit a small candle that had been given to him by Yugi once he came back from the mirror-life. Joey, Pegasus, and Kaiba were in the dark recreation room, glaring at each other.

'_Whoa,_' Bakura thought. '_Great night vision._'

"Um, hey, you guys?" Bakura asked timidly. "I swiped some cards from the front desk when the Magician wasn't looking...wanna play poker?"

"Nah, can't play poker," Joey grunted, still glaring at Kaiba.

"Humph, figures," Kaiba snickered. "A dog like you? Poker?" He laughed a bit. All was silent for a moment, and then Kaiba muttered, "I can't either."

Joey burst out laughing. "Oh, how the mighty have fallen!"

"Shut up, you puppy!"

"Computer brain!"

"Well at least I can figure out simple equations!"

"Why I-"

"Boys, why don't we just settle down and play Go Fish?" Pegasus suggested, stepping in the middle of the two.

"Fine."

"Fine."

"_Fine_."

So, the four settled in for a game of cards.

* * *

"We _don't have a problem_!" 

Mary and Jo, the two Change of Heartses, tossed the green stuffed donkey back to Yami.

"Yes, you do. That's why you're here. Now, take the jabberdonkey and talk!" Yami yelled, forcing the stuffed animal into their hands.

Jo stuck her half of the tongue out at him, a half of a snake's tongue that writhed with a life of its own. Mary just rolled her eye and sighed.

"Okay," she complied. "First off, we're a magic card and not a monster card. Jo always wanted to be a monster card."

"That's right, stupid Pegasus. We weren't even monsters in the original game, _Yami."_

Ryou settled in for what looked to be a good Pharaoh tongue-lashing. According to Bakura, the Pharaoh had had this coming for a long time.

* * *

"Hah! I won again! In your face, Kaiba!" a triumphant Joey yelled, dancing around the room. "I won, I won, yeah, yeah, I won..." 

"Oh, drat," Pegasus complained. "I lost."

With that, he huffed into a dark corner and flopped onto his bed.

"Oh, stop looking so happy, mutt. Since you went and beat the tomb-robber, he'll likely kill you in your sleep anyw-"

"Actually, I would much rather kill you," Bakura stated calmly from his new position, hands around the billionaire's neck. "If I kill Wheeler, I won't get much. With _you_, on the other hand, think of all the Millennium Items I could buy..."

Kaiba gulped and shut up. All was silent for a moment, just quiet enough to hear footsteps down the hall.

"Hide the cards!" Bakura whispered harshly, blowing out the candle, sending the room into darkness and stuffing everyone else's food into his pocket.

"Joey? Peggy?" came the call from outside. Then a light came on. Bakura froze in the act of stuffing a cornbread muffin into his mouth.

Mai stood in the bright doorway with a large purple shopping bag in one hand, and a Safeway bag in the other. "Why didn't you guys just turn on the light? The switch was right here."

"Mai!" Pegasus and Joey said in unison. They glared at each other. "What did you bring me?"

Mai tossed the shopping bag to Pegasus, and the Safeway bag to Joey. "Thought it might make you happy."

Pegasus pulled out a large glass bottle. He gasped. "_Purple-green-shimmeresqe-fruitopia-mango nail polish_! Mai, thank you so much!" He squealed and started painting his toenails.

Joey opened his bag and found, to his great delight, a box of unopened candy bars. His eyes glimmered with happy tears. "Mai, you're the best."

"I know," Mai said, flouncing out the door. When she left, the lights went back out, and another candle was lit.

"You guys just get all the visitors. My sister hasn't come to see me once," whined (if it was possible for him to whine) Ishtar.

All the other occupants stared at the newcomer in shocked fright before Kaiba said, "And, gee, we wonder why."

* * *

The Heartses were done chewing Yami out by the time Ryou's newly discovered clock read 9:15. 

"Well, friends, time for the Happy Song, and then we'll go to bed," grinned Yami.

"Sing with me now!"

_ "We are all happy, so happy, _

_That we all want to give each other hugs._

_Our partners and enemies, _

_Are locked in boot camp, _

_And are learning happy lessons from Yugi._

_We are all happy, so happy, _

_That we all love the world and every bug._

_We must sleep now, _

_Lay your heads down, _

_And have nice dreams away from scary things!"  
_  
"That is one bizarre song," Tristan muttered. Serenity nodded.

Ryou and his odd assortment of companions curled up on their beanbags, most falling asleep in minutes, a weird mist settling over them. Ryou, on the other hand, was kept awake by a nagging voice at the back of his head.

_'What about Bakura?_' it asked, biting at the last sense of sanity in his brain.

'_Who cares about Bakura?_' he yelled back. _'I certainly don't._'

_'That's what you think,_' it sneered back at him. But the voice was silent after that. Ryou smiled, and burrowed his head into the beanbag. Just when he was almost asleep, the door burst open. Ryou sat up, violently hitting his head against the ceiling.

"Pharaoh Yami!" cried a familiar voice. "Pharaoh! The boot camp's guards have been captured and the security here's been breeched! We'll be killed in minutes!"

Ryou looked at the shadowed speaker in shock as the other occupants slowly came to, all except the pharaoh. The speaker gestured hopefully to Ryou.

"You can at least help me bar the door."

* * *

A thump sounded at the door; Bakura jumped up quickly to get it. As soon as he opened it, light fell into the room, as did the body of one of the magician guards. 

Bakura cast a wide-eyed glance to the corpse of a quickly dissolving magician, to Ishtar and back again. All the other eyes in the room did the same, before a scream filled the room.

"Ishtar, you naughty, naughty boy! That was quite rude to kill those magicians!" screamed Pegasus from his corner.

"Yeah, you bastard! You tryin' to kill us or somethin'?" Joey cried passionately.

"I didn't do it, I swear!" Ishtar promised with a smirk. "But I'd be highly surprised if my hikari didn't have something to do with it..."

But the war cry from the outside sounded nothing like Malik. Ishtar's face went blank. "Not good," he said.

"Duh."

All the men in the room gathered all the weapons they could pilfer from the unoccupied rooms, and rushed into the fray.

**Next:** Battle scene, more therapy, prisoners, and a snoring pharaoh. Who is the mysterious messenger? Who is attacking the not-so-innocent occupants of Boot Camp? What happened to Bakura in the alternate reality? All those questionss will be answered next chapter.

And...so...review. All of you. I know I've had close to fifty hits so far, so the least you guys can do is give me five or ten reviews. Please? You would make a poor, old author very, very happy...

Love much!


	3. Let Sleeping Pharaohs Lie

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my car. Which is amazing, so I really can't complain._

**Boot Camp**

**Chapter Three**

**Let Sleeping Pharaohs Lie**

Bakura and his fellow Boot Campees snuck from shadow to shadow with their assorted weapons. Pegasus, who led the rag-tag group, brandished a candlestick, held in front of him like a baseball bat. Kaiba had somehow turned two candles into numb-chucks, while Joey was expertly handling a strip-of-fabric-turned-whip. A Dark Magician's staff was Ishtar's weapon, while the Blue Eyes was...well, Blue Eyes was Blue Eyes. Bakura was looking dangerously sexy with a stolen dagger and a deck of deadly poker cards hanging casually out of his back pocket.

But, the scariest of all was Duke.

He had somehow smuggled in a professional salon style arsenal of hair and beauty products, though Bakura wasn't sure he wanted to know how.

The others, of course, being manly men (with the possible exception of Pegasus and the Blue Eyes White Dragon) made fun of him when they saw his weapons. They had stopped, however, and now looked up to him with unspoken awe at how he handled a comb and hair spray. When they say "looks that could kill," that person was obviously talking about Duke's hairstyling skills.

Two of the invaders had been put down by Duke's "Mirror of Justice," while another was unconscious, hanging from the ceiling of the hall by a lacy black thong that pinned him to the ceiling. After disposing of the three men, Duke had nonchalantly capped his hairspray and twirled a wireless hairdryer in his other hand.

"Can you believe they didn't hire me as a hairdresser?" he said, looking at the frozen occupants of Boot Camp, all with their jaws at their feet.

He now crouched at the rear of the line, scissors and brush held erect.

Our heroes have, so far, almost made it to the Mess Hall, where, Joey assures them, the "boss" and enemy army will be waiting. He insisted that he was the authority on camp-takeover movies, and that it always happened that way in the films. He had also assured them that the good-guys always won.

"But, we aren't exactly what you'd call good guys," Bakura put in.

The group could do nothing but agree to that statement.

Our favorite albino (besides Ryou, of course) had been keeping tabs on how many of the invaders had been immobilized by their tiny procession. He had counted sixteen. If you just counted just those immobilized, though, there would be a few more. Bakura wasn't sure whether or not to count the Magicians Joey had attacked when he caught them touching his Hershey's...

Around the next corner Pegasus went, candelabra held at both arms length, stage-whispering an illegible war cry. After a few seconds, he motioned to the others around the corner.

"No one here," he said, "but the Mess Hall lights are on."

"Let's go, then!" Kaiba cried, starting off. "If they kill Yugi, I'll never be able to beat him!"

"At least your intentions are good," Bakura murmured. Ishtar and Duke snickered behind their hands.

At last, when the campers reached the building, the doors flung open, revealing the Dark Magician Girl in red and black attire. Behind her, all dressed in the same colors, was the biggest host of Monsters Bakura had seen since the Pharaoh marched into battle with the priest.

"Good evening, Boot Campers!" the Magician yelled. "I am the Dark Magician Girl, invited here by Yugi." Here, she gestured to the small and smirking Yugi Motou. "And these monsters you see behind me make up my band...The Raiders of Lost Crap!"

* * *

Ryou watched as the Pharaoh, upon being roughly shaken by Tristan a third time, struck out with his fist, giving Tristan another black eye. Serenity and Ryou winced in unison.

"I am so glad that isn't me," Serenity stressed.

Ryou nodded. "Me, too. I didn't know anyone could aim that well while sleeping."

Serenity and Ryou shook their heads, once again in unison, and looked towards the peaceful chaos by the Pharaoh's bed.

Tristan released the sleeping monarch, who promptly rolled over, muttering, "Mom, I don't _wanna_ go to petty court..."

The Cloaked Figure shook it's head and sat down. "I guess we'll just have to let sleeping pharaohs lie then, huh?" Tristan, who was nursing a bloody nose, grumbled, "It's about time!"

"How about some more talking while we wait for Yami?" The Cloaked Figure asked. It lowered the hood. Long, raggedly cut brown locks fell out, and blue eyes flashed with intelligence. "It's the only thing we can do at the moment, anyway."

"Tea!" they shouted.

Her eyes widened. "Shh! Don't draw attention to us! We don't want to let the invaders know we're here, do we? Not with him asleep, least of all," she finished, jerking her finger in Yami's direction, who had, up until that moment, been snoring peacefully. "Now, I heard that you've only done two people. Usually, it only takes two days to get everyone in, but, apparently, we had a special, two-day session." She glanced at Malik, who blushed a bright red. "I'm really curious about you, Serenity. What brings you here?"

Serenity stopped icing Tristan's eye for a moment when her name was called. She then handed him the ice pack and turned to the group.

"Well, Yami and Shaadi came over to talk to me and Joey to find out if we qualified. Shaadi took Joey away immediately, but Yami stayed to talk to me because he found something...interesting in my mind. I told him to butt out because it wasn't his business-"

Yami snorted in his sleep. Tea frowned and elbowed him.

"Go on," she said over Yami's initial gasp of breath.

"He said that I don't have enough courage to tell my brother about a problem I had, but that I should tell him, because it wouldn't be a problem then-"

"What problem is that?" Mary broke in.

"I'm **getting **to that!" she glowered. Then, lowering her head, she smiled. "I'm in love."

The initial 'aw, how cute' went around the room. Tristan clasped his hands in mock prayer and mouthed 'Thank you' to the ceiling.

"With whom?" No one knew who asked, but everyone was dying to know.

She blushed a bit more, stuttering. "I...um...well...K-I'm in love with Seto. Seto Kaiba."

The occupants of that room could have heard a pin drop in the silence that followed that statement.

But all they heard was the sound of Tristan's head hitting the floor as he fainted.

* * *

"Raiders of Lost Crap!!" Kaiba cried. He looked at Yugi. "I thought they only existed in some corny old American movie!"

DMG rolled her eyes. "That's Raiders of the Lost Arc, idiot."

Joey looked from the DMG to Kaiba, then to Yugi. "What the HELL?!" he burst out.

"I know what's going on," Ishtar cackled. "It's a test, to see how much better we are after that alternate-universe-dimension-swap. That magic girl will read our minds and see if we've lost our marbles yet."

"You are right...in a way," Yugi chuckled not too nicely. "Line up! Alphabetical by first name! NOW!"

The inmates franticly scrambled into their lines. When they got there, Dark Elf was standing next to the DMG, eyes closed, but face upturned as though listening to what the floating girl was saying. But, strangely enough, neither of their lips moved. Dark Elf nodded anyway, seemingly unaware that there was no conversation. She moved to the closest person to her, who was also the last in line. Pegasus.

She touched her hand to his forehead. Her brow crinkled. "You have a lot of pain in your past. I can see that." Her face tightened, as though feeling the pain herself. "Your wife lost...claimed by a tragic disease, right before giving birth to your daughter. Your eye lost, twice, followed by a deep spiral into insanity. Well, we can do one thing for you. Do you know the identity of your only daughter, whom you abandoned all those years ago?"

Pegasus was weeping now, sobs shaking his body. "No," he answered, sounding resentful and depressed. "But I wish to know."

"You've known her for many years already," the Elf continued. "She is very close to you. Her name is Mai."

"Mai?" Pegasus gasped in wonder. "Mai Wheeler?"

The Elf smiled. "Yes. When you get back, make sure to tell her."

The white-haired billionaire collapsed on the ground, crying with pure joy.

The Dark Elf, eyes still closed, but now some-what smiling, framed Ishtar's face with her hands.

"You, my poor soul, have lost your mind. The only thing I can suggest for you is something I will give you last."

Ishtar nodded, looking absolutely infatuated with the Elf. "Yeah. Got it."

She stood in front of Kaiba now. "Hello, Seth Toivo Kaiba." Kaiba gave her a startled glance. "Yes, I know your full name. Don't be scared, I just need to see your thoughts. Please, open your mind to me."

Kaiba nodded, and she placed both her hands on his forehead, as though foreseeing what was to come. "Ah-ha! I've found your one weakness, and one thing that you will let me see. You need to see something yourself, then."

With those last words, the background warped, and the seven campers were faced with a completely different scene.

* * *

When the space before his eyes finally focused, Bakura and his fellows were standing in a dark room with brightly colored posters and beanbags lining the walls. But, they weren't the only ones there...

"Ryou!" Bakura exclaimed under his breath. Although it pained him to think it, he had really missed the boy. He noticed that his twin didn't turn when his name was called. _Strange,_ Bakura thought.

"They can't hear us, 'Kura," he heard Ishtar say. "It's just an Illusion, though we are seeing what's really happening."

_Ah, that's why he didn't answer. Good for him, the little brat._

"Thank you for the explanation, Ishtar." The Elf's high tones almost floated in the Illusioned air. "But, please. Quiet. Listen to what is being said, and you will know why you're here."

Bakura listened, unconsciously hoping to hear his hikari's mellow tone.

"...**getting** to that!" the fiery-haired Wheeler sibling cried. Then, calming down, she blushingly added, "I'm in love."

"With whom?!" Joey almost yelled. His sister looked nervously around the room, and, not seeing her brother, answered.

The fool Tristan was doing a victory dance behind her, and looked even more foolish sporting a bloody nose and two black eyes. _Which he probably got by making a move on the girl,_ Bakura thought. He had no idea why, but this idea made him almost cheery.

"I...er...Seto. Seto Kaiba."

Bakura did a double—no, triple-take. Kaiba? The Wheeler girl was in love with _Kaiba?!_ He stared unabashedly at the girl fiddling with her fringe in the silent room, and barely registered Tristan collapsing on the floor behind her. However, he _did_ notice the foreground fading, being replaced gradually with the front of the Mess Hall. He turned to try finding the Elf to explain this, but Joey got his opportunity first.

"_**WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, KAIBA?"**_ he screamed. _**"YOU SEDUCED MY SISTER!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!"**_

Dark Magician Girl, who, until recently, had been standing against the wall, floated above Joey and shoved her staff in his face. "No, you won't, unless you want pain."

Joey sat down. "Fine." She turned away. Joey muttered a cruel insult behind her back, and she bared down on him once again.

Kaiba looked from Joey to the Dark Elf several times before clearing his throat. "Um, why did you show me that?"

Dark Elf looked at him, managing to roll her eyes while keeping them shut. "You love her also, am I mistaken?" Kaiba hesitated, looking at Joey, then nodded solemnly. "That's what I thought." She smiled widely. "After Joey is done speaking with me, you two may go into a private room and discuss your future plans."

She moved to the man now. "Hey, Wheeler," she said, voice mimicking Tristan's easily. "Give me your hand." He did, and she held it to her heart. "Do you feel this?" He nodded. "It is a heart. And, although you may not believe it, your father does have one, and he does love you. You are his son, Joey, and he adored you since the moment you were born. Trust me. Just talk to him when you get back." She dropped his hand and started gliding away. "Oh, and congratulations to you and Mai. It's a girl!"

Joey looked stunned for a moment before pumping his fist into the air. "Yes! Mai always wanted a girl..." Then it hit him. "I'm a Dad!" He began dancing around, hugging Kaiba before skipping back off to his cabin.

The Elf was closing the space between herself and Duke, who hurriedly backed away and told her repeatedly that he didn't need to be healed. She frowned, but nodded, saying, "Okay, if you insist..."

Bakura frantically noted the Blue Eye's absence. Panic set in as the Elf moved closer, cutting off the path of retreat. _Oh, crap,_ was his last thought before the Elf grabbed his face, and stared directly into his brown eyes with her glowing white ones.

* * *

Ryou looked shocked, disgusted, then just plain confused. What did Serenity _see _in Kaiba, anyway?

All the patients stared at Serenity with a mixture of shock and horror evident on their features. "No friggin' way," someone murmured.

"So, Tea," a flustered Serenity calmly asked, "you asked me why I'm here. Now that I've completely embarrassed myself by revealing my innermost secret, could you tell us why _you're_ here?"

"Very much the same reason as yours, Seren," Tea answered with a mask of calmness. "Except for the fact that I was here for _last_ session that Yami led, and I was asked back as a councilor."

"Tell them the reason you were here the first time, Tea," said an annoyed but awake Yami. "I _assure_ you that they will agree with me."

Everyone turned, surprised to see the pharaoh alive, let alone awake.

"Okay, Yami. I will tell them. But, no interruptions, okay? None!"

* * *

**Next Chappie: **Tea's story, what the Dark Elf saw in Bakura's mind, Ishtar's cure, a new enemy, the boy's stories about their trip in the first chapter, a new _war_, and the good-byes from the Raiders. (Or shall they be dubbed Crappers? You decide in your review.)

Much love,

kitty


End file.
